Your Subconscious Is Making Your Business Decisions. Here's What To Do About It | Chantelle Denstedt

A single childhood moment can quietly write the rules you live by for decades, including how you price, how you lead, and how safe it feels to be seen. We sit down with Chantelle Densted, founder of BU Naturally, to unpack how the subconscious mind drives behavior on autopilot and why so many high-performing women still feel a pull toward overexplaining, people-pleasing, or doubting their own authority. 

Chantelle shares her path from 35+ years in tech and leadership to doing deeply human work with mindset and trauma-informed modalities. We talk about the identity shift that hits when you leave a respected title behind, the fear of being judged for choosing holistic healing, and the real work of building a new self-concept you can actually trust. Along the way, we dig into money mindset and the difference between making money and being able to hold it without fear, guilt, or self-sabotage. 

You’ll also get a clear, grounded look at Psych-K and the Aroma Freedom Technique, including what a session feels like, why naming emotions matters, and how memory reconsolidation can reduce the emotional charge of old experiences without pretending they never happened. We connect generational trauma to communication patterns in families and explain how healing your relationship with emotions can change the way you parent, partner, and run your business. 

If you’re building a wellness business and your biggest challenge feels internal, this conversation gives you language and tools to start untangling what’s yours and what you inherited. Subscribe to She’s the Boss, share this with a friend who’s in a pivot, and leave a review if it helps. What’s one belief you’re ready to question today?

Visit Chantelle’s website and get more info on Aroma Freedom and Psych-K®

Follow Chantelle on Instagram @be.you.natural.ly

You're about to become an expert in Sales, join us inside this 4-week mini mind. We start May 6th- Sales Confidence- because today's online space requires it. 

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Check out my website here.

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Background

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to She's the Boss, the podcast where female wellness entrepreneurs talk ambition, money, and ownership out loud. I'm your host, Lee McSwan, a certified holistic nutritionist, turned wellness business coach. This is where conversations are unfiltered, the roles of entrepreneurship get rewritten, and nothing is off limits. Money, motherhood, friendships, legacy, wealth, power, and what it really takes to build a life and business on your terms. Today's guest is Chantelle Densted, founder of BU Naturally, where she helps women rebuild their self-esteem, navigate difficult relationships, and raise the next generation with a deep sense of self-worth and confidence. Chantelle has spent more than 35 years in the tech world leading an IT department and local government while simultaneously building multiple businesses along the way. On paper, she had a successful career in a traditional, male-dominated industry, but over time she felt called toward work that was more aligned with the human side of transformation. That shift led her into Mindset at Subconscious Work, where she became certified in Aroma Freedom Technique and Psych K, modalities that focus on reprogramming, limiting beliefs, and helping people break patterns that often run quietly in the background of our lives. Today, her work centers around understanding how the subconscious mind drives our behavior, how generational trauma shapes our choices, and how women can reclaim their power by changing the beliefs that shape their lives. In this episode, we are talking all about those beliefs, the memories we hold on to, and how these healing modalities can apply to women in business. You know, when someone asks you about your offer and suddenly you're overexplaining yourself, you're lowering your prices on the fly, or you're just hoping they don't say no. Yeah, that's because no one teaches us how to sell as nutritionists. Sales confidence is my four-week mini mind that shows you exactly how to talk about your work, own your pricing, handle objections, and actually feel really good selling without it feeling pushy or weird or icky. It's simple, practical, and it will completely change how you show up in your business. So if you've been meaning to clean up your sales skills, this is the time. It's linked below in the show notes. Chantel, welcome to She's the Boss. How are you doing today? Excellent. So excited. I'm excited too. I think this is gonna be a really insightful conversation. I'm very excited to learn more about what you've done, how you got here, and what your goals are for the future. So before we begin, I have one question for you. And that is given the fact that you've spent decades working in a very analytical left brain industry like technology, but you now do more work in the emotional side of things, the subconscious belief systems.

Tech Career And Finding Confidence

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Which side of you is currently running the show these days, that left side or that right side?

SPEAKER_00 3:06

I love that question because somebody once told me you couldn't be both left brain and right brain. You were one or the other. And I've always been extremely left brain analytical. Um, it's true. A lot of my holistic training that I've taken that actually taught me you can be whole-brained. And the more that I tapped into that right brain side of me, the more I just loved it. It became natural. It felt more like who I am. So, to answer your question, I find in the morning I'm very much that right-brained individual. And then once I start my day, I turn into the left brain, but I have activities where I can bounce back and forth. So I feel I navigate it quite well.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

That's great. There's a really good book that's coming to mind. And I know that you're a nona to your nine-year-old granddaughter. So you might really enjoy this book. It's called The Whole Brain Child. Have you heard of it?

SPEAKER_00 4:04

I haven't. No. Sounds interesting.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Yeah, pick that one up. I think you'll find it really fascinating. Um, but let's dive into the meat and potatoes of today's episode. You have spent over 35 years in tech and leadership roles in what's traditionally considered a male-dominated field. So looking back now, how do you think that environment has shaped the way that you approached your confidence, your leadership, and ultimately using your own voice?

SPEAKER_00 4:35

Yeah, absolutely. It's been quite a journey because the field is so male-dominant. And it was unusual for a female to be in that space. Um, when I graduated, I was one of a handful of women that graduated from that course and the only one to actually go on with a career in that in that field. So yeah, it was it was interesting. Um I think what allowed me to be successful was the fact that I didn't realize it was male dominant and that there was discrimination, if you will, against women. So my mindset was I could do whatever I want, and I didn't have any preconceived notions about um what women can do in the IT field. I was very fortunate that way with the men that were in my life. On the flip side, though, uh, so I talk about my strengths and I was confident in myself, but on the emotional side, I did have a lot of abuse in my life from a male figure, which led me to believe that I was really resilient in the corporate world. So when there, I can think of a situation where there's a man right in my face and he's getting angry, and and I just took it and then I responded calmly. And I was told I was the only female who never cried when he berated them. And I thought, oh wow, am I ever resilient because of the past lessons in my life? So there's been a lot of growth. There's been a lot of growth about how I led, how I thought I should lead, based on what I learned from men, versus adopting my own style to what I feel really worked while leading a department of men.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

That's very interesting. And I love how you're able to kind of go into it with that almost like blinders on, in a way that allowed you to, I'm assuming, accelerate within your career because of that. Did you come up to a point in that role specifically where you realized, okay, this is actually destructive abusive behavior?

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Yes, absolutely. Um, one of the things all my managers or bosses have said about me is the fact that I'm very self-aware. And I think I hit a point where I stopped liking myself. I liked myself at home, but I didn't like myself in the workplace anymore. And it was because of my behavior, um, how I was treating people. And it's like you don't need to treat people that way to get results. And in fact, if you're nicer to people, if you communicate, if you allow them to have their voice and you have two-way dialogue and conversation, you'll actually get more out of your employees because they're happier.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

And do you think that that learning lesson was a result of what you were witnessing amongst the women that maybe or the colleagues that you weren't being as kind or as gentle as you could be? Did you notice any behavioral shifts in them that you were like, ooh, that's really standing out as something that is a red flag for me, even though I'm the one directing the narrative?

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Yeah. Uh I believe my behavior was learned from all the men around me, but then I became very fortunate to have some female mentors who were very kind and very well respected. And then as I continued to take leadership training, I'm I call myself a forever learner. I'm always reading and taking courses, et cetera. So as I would watch them and how they behaved, and I would read books, which led from management into more of a leadership style, really helped me become self-aware and

Leadership Over Management

SPEAKER_00 8:30

allowing myself to make changes.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

So, how would you define the difference between a management role and strong leadership?

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Well, I look at management that old typical style of somebody telling you what you're supposed to do day in, day out, what your priorities are. And I look at leadership as encouraging growth, um, having the two-way dialogue to generate ideas, because my idea might not be the best. I believe that you're hiring somebody for their expertise, not my expertise. So allowing them to have that voice and share their experience. Um and I had another thought and I just lost it. Sorry, can you repeat the question?

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Oh, I was just asking the difference between management and leadership. And I think I think you really nailed it on it the head. And it I think it goes back into your self-awareness. You're saying, well, my job isn't to be the best at everything, my job is to see the best in the people that I work with and put them in the right position so that they can lead. So, in a way, you're you're kind of creating leaders by being a leader yourself. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Would you agree with that? I I do. And that actually triggers what I was going to say. Um I it's also about helping people by putting them in situations where you know that they're going to succeed because you know what their strengths are, but also encouraging them to go where they're afraid to help them push them a little bit, to help them grow in areas that you know that they can succeed in, but maybe they're not comfortable themselves. So that was also something that I believe is a trait of a good leader.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

I agree completely. It's it's really highlighting those people around you and pushing them to be their best versions of themselves. That to me, that's the epitome of leadership.

Identity Shifts And Leaving Corporate

SPEAKER_01 10:24

So at some point, something shifted for you from being in the corporate world to stepping into work centered more around mindset and subconscious change. Was there a specific moment where you realized that your heart was calling you into a different direction?

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Yes. And I don't know that I can put it on one single instant. Um, I it's probably part of that ever-learning that I learned more about natural healing, um, holistic lifestyle, started dabbling in courses. And I was looking at a way for maybe finding another means of employment, getting into self-employment, but also looking at healing myself. So I was looking for modalities that would help me heal because I also believe that in order to help somebody else, you need to go through that experience. So it's been a journey for me.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

What are some of those modalities that you relied on for some of the inner work?

SPEAKER_00 11:24

My first one was Psych K. I I don't know if you've ever heard about it, but I fell in love with it.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

I've heard amazing things about Psych K, but I'm assuming that a lot of listeners have probably never heard about it. Give us the full description. What is it? Who's it for? How does it work? Where do we find it? Tell us everything.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Absolutely. Oh, it's hard to speak about it in a short little time, but Psych is just this brilliant modality that listens to the body through muscle testing. So you say a statement such as, I am worthy, then you muscle test for it. And typically, if you you might think that yes, I'm worthy, but then your subconscious tells you, no, you truly don't believe that. So it taps into that inner voice, that subconscious mind. And when it tests negative, that no, you actually don't believe that statement, then we go into something that's called a whole brain state. So working with the left brain and the right brain by doing a number of movements where you're crossing certain parts of your body, like your legs and your arms, and you repeat the affirmation or the statement that you want to shift in until you feel a little change, a little subtle change in yourself. And then you test for the statement again. And it it's so powerful. There's things that I used to believe in or not believe in back in the day that now I totally forget that that was part of my life.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Can you give us an example of something?

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Money, money mindset as an example. So one of them believing that money was evil. Um, that yeah, um, I I think uh for me there was a fear, always a fear, always checking that I wasn't going to have enough money at the end of the day or at the end of the week. And getting to a point where one of my, we call it balances, that statement that you're testing truth or or negative to. And one of my statements was, I am okay whether I have money or I don't. And that was huge for me, to which brings me to where I am today, where I've quit my corporate job and that steady paycheck without having that regular income. So, you know, reflecting back at who I used to be seven years ago, there's no way that person would have done what I've done today.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

That's really cool to hear that the work that you did ultimately led you to be able to hold the money. Because I think this is really relatable for a lot of women, right? We all kind of have money work that that we need to rewire. Um, I think especially for women, like women stepping into astronomical abundance and financial freedom and power and control over the destiny of their lives. That may not be something that they had modeled for them growing up. So we really had to kind of be the ones to learn how to making the money is one thing, I think. It's probably the easiest piece of money. Like you can always find a way to make money, but it's that ability to hold it and that ability to be consistent with bringing in more, making more, and not having it destroy your life or the life of other people. And maybe that's where that money is evil kind of sentiment comes in. Because I think I think a lot of people probably grew up with some version of that narrative around wealthy people are greedy, they only care about themselves, they don't care about the little guys, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, that kind of thing. Um so once you kind of unlocked that that money mindset shift for you, was that when you decided to leave the corporate world or had you already committed to being done with it?

SPEAKER_00 15:30

No. Oh, I had a lot of work to do. So I knew I wasn't happy there anymore. Um, but no, probably the biggest struggle for me was my identity. So I'll I'll explain a little bit more. As you know, I've been in the tech world forever. Um, very left brain, very analytical. And I realized it took a lot of work to realize what uh was holding me back from quitting my job was I was afraid of what people would think of me moving from a left brain into a right brain, going from an intellect who climbed up the corporate ladder to now somebody who's going into that holistic space where people call it woo-hoo. And and really I had to work on that. Once I realized that that was what was holding me back, was an identity statement. I had to focus on that and work on that before I could make my next leap.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Okay, this this is also so relatable for people because while specifically the women that I talk to, because the majority of us are in some sort of holistic realm and there is that kind of stigma that can be attached to it. Upon first glance, I mean, you and I know better that once you do some digging, there's nothing but science to support all of this. So that analytical side of the brain actually becomes very prevalent if you take a deeper dive into some of the holistic modalities. Um okay, elaborate on this. Talk to us about these, like this identity statement and these identity shifts, because you're gonna have a lot of women resonate with this.

SPEAKER_00 17:07

Sure. Um, it it was really around realizing that I put a lot of value into my title, into who I was, what my title was at the corporate job. And who was I without that? Who was I gonna be? Uh it was uh I guess the best way I can explain it is as I reflect back on my life, I recall telling people, oh, I'm so and so's mom, or I'm so and so's wife. Um, but with my corporate job, this was me, this was my title, this is who I am. And it wasn't that anymore. So would people still think I was smart? And I didn't realize how much value I put on my intellect, on people thinking that I was smart. And I really had to just let that go. That it really doesn't matter. It's what I believe about myself and and what I want to do in regards to good in the world. So does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Absolutely, it does. How do we shift our identity if we have this piece of us that is attached to the thing that we've done? It's typically like an act of production. That's what we take on as an identity. Um, how do we decide, you know what, this identity that was who I was, that was what I did 10 years ago. I'm a different person now. How do we learn to accept that? Because maybe the identity shift does have some of the stigmas like you had, you had highlighted there with the holistic piece and and the intellect. And once I'm not that, I'm no longer perceiving myself as an intellect. How do we shift the identity and then also just be okay with it? Like I think a lot of it can boil down to correct me if I'm wrong, but like a judgment fear, a fear of people perceiving us in a certain way. How do we how do we manage that?

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Yeah, absolutely. Uh, and there's no quick answer, but the modalities that I use, especially the aroma freedom, really help people to move forward in their new identity. I what I coach people on is to go back to their childhood and reflect on what did you love as a child? So using myself as an example, I didn't love, well, we didn't have computers when I was a kid, but um, I read books and I did macrame and string art and cut out pictures and pasted them. I was very artistic. I didn't paint, but I was very artistic. So reflecting back on what brought you joy and trying to find things in life today that bring you joy, whether it's going for a walk in in the forest, the woods, smelling a flower, just taking a moment to yourself, reflecting around and trying different things. Try something new. Try something that you did 20, 30, 40 years ago and try to find that joy again. And as you discover, pay attention to things that you are passionate about and start building your own new identity statement. So for myself, I'm a holistic healer, I'm a holistic practitioner who helps women. Once you come up with that identity and realizing we're multifaceted, we we jump in and out, we wear different hats, but at the end of the day, this is who I want to be. What are some habits that I can do five minutes a day, one minute a day, ten minutes a day, that help to support that new identity? So there's this process, but it it's very powerful, can really help people shift.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

What is it about going back and thinking about childhood? Like why does that anchor us in so much to that that happiness? Why childhood?

SPEAKER_00 21:07

I think we forget. I think when we're children, we're so innocent and wide-eyed and learning and taking it all in. Um in science, as as you mentioned, science shows that we're working on a different break, brain lake wave, sorry, brain wave, where everything is, we're working in the imaginative state. So life is just, I don't know, it's fun. And I think as we grow up and we have to worry about tests and scores and what are we going to do with our the rest of our life and responsibilities and people who count on us, we we forget. We tend to just become somebody new and we forget. So going back to childhood allows us to remember who we were, what brought us joy, so we can tap into joy again.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Yeah.

Helping Teens Handle Pressure

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Speaking of pressures, you You bring up such a good piece of this. And I feel like the younger generation is experiencing a lot of pressure. I remember when I was in high school having to kind of think about the next four years of my life. And that was like grade 10, grade 12, or sorry, grade 11, grade 12, where you really had to start thinking about that. My son, who is 14, he'll be 15 this year. He's going into grade 10 in September. So that's when high school actually starts here in Alberta. But they're already mapping out their university pathways at 14. And I'm like, I have to be honest with him and just say, buddy, I know this is absolutely insane that you're thinking about a career path at 14. But this pressure, like, how does that kind of take us away from the joy? Because I never thought that I would have to be having these types of in-depth conversations, meeting with a guidance counselor from the high school just a couple weeks ago with my 14-year-old son, where I very much want him to stay in his youth and his childlikeness, even though he's he's not, he's a teenager now. But I want to harness that without all the pressure. So is there anything that you can recommend for minimizing the amount of pressure that the younger population is feeling right now and staying in their childhood joy and fun a little bit longer?

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Yeah, that's a great question. And it's not something that I'm having to experience now that my my child's in her 30s. I I think what helps take some of that pressure off your son would be letting him know that he can't make a mistake, that he's going to pick a career path. But if he doesn't like it, he can change it. So, yes, it's so overwhelming and it's so daunting. And I remember when I was being asked to pick my career path. How how do you do that when you don't even know what it is that you like and you haven't experienced anything? But I think what I'm learning from the younger generation is people will go move from company to company or job, um, career to career, whereas my parents' generation and maybe my generation would stay. Um so letting him know he can't make a mistake. You know, at the end of the day, look at life as an experience and a journey. If this is what you choose today, you might absolutely love it. And if you don't, then you pivot. But don't forget to have fun along the way. Find time, carve out time to hang out with your friends or or to find your own craft or passion and focus on that as well.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

I think that applies to all of us at any phase of life, doesn't it? Like as women, we play so many different roles. There's different seasons of our lives where, you know, your motherhood 110%, and then your um career and and entrepreneurship. And then you a lot of the times you go back into caregiver mode again as your parents' age and stuff like that. So we constantly are reinventing our identities and changing our roles. But I think something that you said, which was really what stuck with me, was just have fun with it and kind of be okay with pivoting and finding your passion because it's gonna change, right? Like I remember when I was probably seven years old and I told my mom I was gonna be an opera singer, and I cannot sit like I I will break glass in the worst way possible singing, but it's so funny what we believe we want to do and then the path that life takes us on. I think planning too much can also kind of interfere with the natural joys and and things that we could fall into in a really organic and beautiful way, if we just let things unfold for us and don't put so much pressure on ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Agreed. I was listening to something this morning that also said, listen to your intuition, listen to your gut. And I think it's something that we lose along the way and uh tapping back into that. So if if there's any red flags for your song, he should listen to it. Don't don't listen to the people all around you that are giving you the pressure saying, Oh, you should do this because that's what pays the most. It's like, no, just go with your gut and and what are you drawn to? What truly fascinates you?

SPEAKER_01 26:40

Yeah, and I think this is a perfect segue in for us to talk about what exactly it is you do today, how you support the women that you work with, what modalities you bring in and rely on, and the transformations that you help um unfold for these women.

Subconscious Blocks And Client Breakthroughs

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Talk talk to us about where you're at now.

SPEAKER_00 27:04

Yeah, absolutely. So I found that I wasn't able to put 100% into my business because of the corporate world. So I did quit my job. And I have launched, well, I've been I've been working with Aroma Freedom developed by Dr. Benjamin Perkis for seven years. I think I was certified, helping a lot of family members and women that I don't know. And it's interesting because sometimes the women don't even know what they want. So if I give you an example, I had a client come to me who was just feeling very isolated and felt like she wasn't having connections with people in the world. And we went through a number of sessions, and by the third session, she realized that's right, there was a lot throughout that working with parents and and ways, things that her parents said that maybe held us back. But by the time we got to that third session, she dug into some trauma that she had had in her life that surfaced up. And then she was able to move through it, through emotion, allowing yourself to feel it in a safe place that allows you to release it. And when the session was done, she reached out to me a few days later and said, Wow, thank you so much. I had no idea this is where I was at. I'm so light and happy and free now. So, all that to say what people come to me for isn't necessarily what the um issue is. And it's that subconscious, it's the tapping into those memories that that you're holding back, that you've blocked, that you're resisting, that come out that allows the individual to work through them.

SPEAKER_01 28:57

What are some common things that you see across the board as those blocks?

SPEAKER_00 29:03

I see a lot from parent, from from that child-parent relationship. I cannot get over. I would say probably every person that I've worked with who's coming to me for one thing or another, there is something that was in their relationship with their parent that held them back or made them feel like they were not worthy. And I'm not, I'm not trying to put any blame on parents. I'm a parent, right? Um we're all just humans trying to do the best that we can do. But the child growing up doesn't necessarily realize that their their mother or father is doing the best that they can do. And something was said that becomes that child's truth for them that's holding them back. And once they're able to realize that and move through that, shift their subconscious belief from whatever was holding them back, uh, they can move forward. It's really incredible.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

Is that done specifically through Aroma Freedom or is that something that you rely on Psych to help with?

SPEAKER_00 30:09

I use Aroma Freedom a lot because it's easier in today's uh remote world, if you will. So I prefer PsychK in person, though I can do what they call surrogate work and have the Zoom call with people. I find that not as many people understand Psyche K. So that's where I prefer the one-to-one, but they both work just as well. And a lot of times with people that do know Psyche K, I'll work with Psy K first, and then I'll shift over to the Aroma Freedom to bring some of the subconscious beliefs into their awareness so they realize that maybe what was holding them back wasn't their own voice or their own um, well, it is their own limiting belief, but they learned it from somewhere else.

Aroma Freedom And Psych-K Explained

SPEAKER_01 30:54

So, what exactly is aroma freedom? Can you walk us through what a session of that would look like?

SPEAKER_00 31:01

Absolutely. So, Aroma Freedom was created by Dr. Benjamin Perkis, who um is a psychologist, and he built it based on the foundation of a lot of different psychology methods and leaders in the world, if you will. So basically, what it is typically a session starts with what is your goal? What is it that you're trying to do? So, if we're talking about women in business, maybe they want to branch out or leave their job or start a new business, and it's walking them through that goal using essential oils, pure essential oils. So we walk through the statement, we talk about how does that feel, what's that negative voice that's coming into your head? Where do you feel that in the body? And probably the most important part of this process is being able to name the feeling. And there's a lot of science around what naming that feeling out loud does. Once we've done that, that's where we bring in the oils to speak to um, drift back to an earlier time where you felt the same way, where you felt that feeling in your body, and just allow yourself to whatever the first memory is that pops into your head. And then at that point you breathe into the oils. And what the oils do is just helps um move something in the limbic portion of our brain where all the memories are are locked in, if you will, and bring that to the surface. Sometimes we can do a few rounds and something shifts where the person they go through um variounds and then they go, you know what? I've done something like this in the past. I know I can do this, and their belief shifts. Other times it brings up something from that subconscious mind that's holding them back, which is typically a trauma, uh, whether it's a little T trauma or a big T trauma, but it's it's something. And then we move into something that's called the um memory release um experience, where we go through that memory and help them in a safe place, release that memory, taking them back to their childhood and integrating that. It's memory reconsolidation so that they can come out into a happier place. So it's not that you're forgetting about the memory, but you're removing the emotional tie to that memory, which allows you to move forward. That's it at high level.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

That is really interesting. It do you have to use specific oils for certain issues? Like how do you how are you choosing which oil somebody's working with?

SPEAKER_00 33:41

Yeah, great question. We do have a number of oils that we use. So when we're first starting a session, it's oils that help to um relax you, like lavender and stress away and frankincense. Then after that, it really depends. This is where I use my intuition. Or if my client has oils with them, I'll ask them which one's speaking to you right now. But I love to use something that's called release or um transformation. There's some oils that are around trauma release. And then as we move into actual release and integration with the child, there's an oil called inner child. And as we move out through the end to an affirmation stage of what our life is going to be like, we use more of the citrusy uplifting oils to lock in that belief.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

Okay, got it. And how long does this whole process take typically? How many sessions?

SPEAKER_00 34:41

I like to do three sessions. I find that first session, the person's just trying to get a sense and building that trust and understanding what is the process like. And it's always, I look at it like it's it's peeling off layers of an onion. Um, so that the one individual I was telling you about, we went through a lot of things the first two sessions with her parent. By the time we got to the third session, all that was gone. And now we were trying, we were able to get to the root of what was really upsetting her, um, which I can't really speak about, but it was just, it was, it was so wild. So I recommend three sessions. Each session is no more than an hour.

Generational Trauma And Family Dialogue

SPEAKER_01 35:23

And is this essentially one way that generational trauma can be broken?

SPEAKER_00 35:28

I think so. A lot of it is also awareness and speaking with family members. Like my my mother and I, my daughter and I, we all speak about generational trauma. We try to find patterns that um maybe I might have inherited from my mother that I see in my daughter, or my daughter comes to me all the time and she'll go, Hey, did does this, I know it impacts you because I've seen your behavior. I grew up with you, but but was Granny like this too, or is she like this? So just even having that conversation and learning about our parents' parents to see what kind of hardships they've gone through in life can help us really understand where maybe some of our fears have come from.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

And how important would you say that is for healing the whole self?

SPEAKER_00 36:15

I think it's huge. Um, just having that dialogue with your family, bringing the awareness to it. If if people don't realize that you're going through something and you can't have that conversation, it's hard to move forward with the relationship with that individual. So where the aroma freedom comes in, I've I've helped coach people to have the conversations with people, to get over the fear of having the conversation. But when you have the conversations, like I personally think that, like my goal is to help moms. Because if moms can help themselves, then the children can learn from that. And then the children are being raised in an environment where they can learn how to deal with their emotions, to have the conversations, to normalize how I'm feeling. And you know what? How you're feeling is okay. It's truly okay. It's just a message. And then how do you navigate that?

SPEAKER_01 37:11

Yeah. So, what would be some tips or pieces pieces of advice that you could offer for people that really struggle to have like open communication, or they even struggle to just converse with with people. I know, um, like a lot of my friends who are about the same age as me, 40, they have boomer parents. And a lot of us have the same kind of commonality where our boomer parents really shut down conversations around emotions. It's like you cry, you go to your room. Um, like suck it up is often something that a lot of us heard growing up. So when we don't grow up with open communication and having these natural abilities to converse and share our emotions with our parents, what are some of the ways that we can start doing that?

SPEAKER_00 38:04

Yeah, and that is a that is a tough one. And I have to agree. So when I say that the majority of my clients, they are younger, and I think that's why um I get a lot of feedback about the parents. It's because the parents don't open up. And at the end of the day, you cannot change anybody. All you can do is lead by example. And if it helps um these sessions, they can help you understand maybe why your parents act the way they did because their parents wouldn't allow them to cry or speak, etc. You may not ever get your parents to be able to discuss that, but just understanding why they act that way and where it came from, and knowing that you can change that. You can be the one to change the cycle with your child. And I I have to I have to tell you, um, I was one of those parents. I couldn't handle crying. I didn't cry growing up. I I didn't, I I had a wall, a big wall. And when I became a mom, my child loved to cry. And I couldn't handle it. And now I tell her, like she has taught me so much. And now my attitude is feel your feelings. Because how do you move through them if you don't allow yourself to feel them? So I yeah, I don't know that I can give you the perfect answer, other than you can't change your parents, but you can understand them better and you could be the one to break the cycle with the new generation moving forward.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

Yeah, my husband and I talk about this all the time and just how, like when we when we became parents ourselves, we both felt somewhat resentful towards our parents for the things that they didn't do for us from an emotional standpoint. And we we really struggled, and it took us going to therapy um in order to move through it. But you're right, at some point you do see that it was a pattern. And I I know without a doubt in my mind that my parents love me deeply. Did they match every need that I had growing up? Absolutely not. Do I match every need that my kids have growing up? Absolutely not. Like we have to understand we're gonna screw up no matter how good our intention, our in intention and our impact are very different things. And when I look back at how much my mom grew as a mom from how she was mothered, how she was raised, I'm like, wow, you actually did freaking amazing. Like the fact that you say I love you before you hang up the phone, like she didn't, I I don't, I think I've ever I ever witnessed my mom hearing I love you from her parents. So the fact that she tells me she loves me, that's a huge gap. And then one of the things I don't know if my mom listens to this podcast, but maybe she maybe this is the the gateway to our communication happening. But she never apologized to me growing up. And that built up so much anger and frustration in me as a child. So now I get to correct that for my kids, and I get to say, as quickly as I realized I screwed up, I'm gonna be as quick to realize that I owe you an apology. And there's gonna be something that I don't do for them that they're gonna notice and they're gonna pass that down. So I genuinely think every generation gets better or tries to in some way. And so I think your work with uh helping people do this really expedites the process, it expedites the collective healing that we so desperately need, don't we?

SPEAKER_00 41:41

We do. Absolutely, we do. And and I love that you've recognized growth in your mom. I've had sessions with my mom, and um, because when I was going through certification, I needed guinea pigs. And of course, my mom volunteered, and she thanks me today for the amount of growth that she has experienced, which has freed her to be able to move out in the world more than what she was ever able to do. So it's quite fascinating.

Feeling Feelings Without Shame

SPEAKER_01 42:10

How important is it to feel our feelings and what can happen to us if we don't?

SPEAKER_00 42:16

Yeah, uh growing up, I would repress my feelings. And I had always heard that the danger was it comes out. It comes out in other ways. If you don't feel your feelings, you're bottling them in. That's where the ailments, somehow your body is going to tell you there's something wrong and it comes out. And there are stories about the animal world, the animal kingdom, where animals, if they're hurt or they something's happened, they've had some sort of trauma, they shake, they release. And we've heard of tribes that will do some sort of chanting or shaking or dancing to release. And I just find in the Western civilization, we've just been taught bottle it in, don't cry, don't show your emotions. So we're we're learning from uh, you know, past other other civilizations. And it's huge. I think it truly, and and this is coming from somebody who didn't show her emotions, who had that big brick heart wall up in front of her to learn that vulnerability and to feel and to be okay, truly be okay with others around me feeling all the feels and crying and just being able to hold space for them. Um, it's so important.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

It really is. And I think at the end of the day, I I kind of grew up similar to what you're describing too, where it was like lock it up, you just move on with the day kind of thing, sweep it under the rug. I cannot do that at this age. I I really credit my husband a lot for helping me with this because he he was raised by predominantly his mom and he grew up with an older sister. So lots of female energy in his home where he primarily resided. And He was like, we have to talk about things. And I was like, what? No, we don't do that. Like we just ignore what has happened. But now I'm so grateful for that because I don't feel this heaviness in my body because I'm able to like verbalize how I'm feeling. I'm okay with emotions. I was the same way as you, where I felt very uncomfortable. My years ago, my initial reaction when I saw people crying was laughter because it was so uncomfortable for me. And I actually realized that it's a huge part of being empathetic, is that I hate to see somebody suffering so much. So it's like my body does the opposite reaction where it's it's laughter because I can't handle the discomfort of the pain and the sadness.

Entrepreneur Self-Doubt And Daily Practices

SPEAKER_01 44:47

Coming back to emotions and feelings, as entrepreneurs, what are some of the ways that we can manage the feelings that we have within ourselves? Where it's not confrontation with other people that we're experiencing experiencing. It's really just that that self-doubt, that fear of judgment, the lack of confidence. Can I do this? Am I smart enough? How do I get this done? I don't know. Am I good enough? Do I deserve the business? Can I can I build this to seven, eight figures? How can we help ourselves when it's it's such an internal conversation that plays through our head? I don't know about other entrepreneurs, but for me, it's definitely on a daily basis where I'm doubting something.

SPEAKER_00 45:31

Yeah, absolutely. And that's where these modalities really help because it's where are those voices coming from? It's, you know, you probably learned it from somewhere along the way and you're not remembering because it truly is within our subconscious mind. It could be something even a teacher said to you back in the third grade that you don't remember. And that's where these, again, these modalities come in to help you tap into that subconscious mind of where did that come from? What experience did I have? I I can share an example if if I could. So one of my first sessions on myself with Aroma Freedom was it was about running a business. Am I worthy? Can I do this? I was goal setting. And as I was going through the aroma freedom process, the memory that popped up was my dad. Uh love my dad dearly. My parents got divorced when I was one, so I only saw him a few times a year. And I was around five years old. This is the memory that came to. I was around five years old, and he took me to an ice cream store and he bought me bubble gum ice cream. I was so excited because there's no way my mom would have let me have food coloring bubble gum ice cream. We get outside, I take a lick, the ice cream falls to the sidewalk, and I never got my ice cream. And he never took me back in to get another one, probably because of financial reasons. I had locked up that memory, totally forgot about that memory until I did the session. And what came true for me as I remembered that situation was if I make a mistake, if I screw up, there are no second chances. That's what I learned at the age of five. And I can see how it's applied to many situations throughout my life. So that's where I find the power of the subconscious mind so fascinating. It could be an experience that you had that really meant nothing to anybody else, and you know, enough that I didn't remember that. Or it could be somebody else's belief, such as money. Um, money is a big one where we've inherited our parents' beliefs about a being evil. So it's tapping into whose belief is it? Is it mine? Was it somebody else's that I inherited, or was it a situation that caused me to believe in one way or another?

SPEAKER_01 48:00

Wow, that is that's wild. So our subconscious mind is holding everything that we've experienced almost as a library, right?

SPEAKER_00 48:10

Absolutely. Absolutely. And it's to keep us safe. It thinks it's keeping us safe. Like you think of the child that touches the hot stove, oh, burn myself. I'm never going to do that again. Um, but it can apply to relationships. Oh, that person treated me poorly and broke my heart, and I don't want to have another relationship again. So then you get into a cycle of self-sabotaging, hurting them before they can hurt you. So so many examples. But yes, we're we're run so much by our subconscious mind. We're on autopilot, right? Like if you you drive a car and then you're lost in thought and you're like, how did I get here?

SPEAKER_01 48:46

Yeah. So what are some everyday tips that you can provide for people that just want to maybe manage an ongoing thought that they're aware of that they're really trying to not have that be their narrative? Let's say um, I'm not smart enough, for example.

SPEAKER_00 49:03

I think you need to, the individual listening needs to pay attention to their negative voice. It's so easy for us to just, oh, I can't do that. And you kind of get lost in it, but you're not really focused on, oh my goodness, I just said I can't do that, and call yourself out. Why not? Why can't I do that? So, really, it's active listening, listening to that voice, making note of it and and trying to figure out where where did that come from? But I don't we're moving so fast. I don't think people stop to listen to the negative voice. They just know, oh yeah, negative thought, move on, or get lost in it. But no, stop, pause. What was that that you just said to yourself? Why did you say that? Would you say that to somebody else? Would you appreciate it if somebody said it to you?

SPEAKER_01 49:53

Yeah, such a good reminder is how how we speak to ourselves. We would, I can speak for myself. I would never say those things to another human being. So why are they living rent-free in my head in my head, right?

SPEAKER_00 50:05

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:08

Oh so so fascinating. The work that you do is very important, I think, because all of us have our thoughts 24-7 essentially. And they can really make or break us and our lived experiences.

Connect With Chantelle And Closing

SPEAKER_01 50:22

So, how how can people work with you? How can they find you? Let us know.

SPEAKER_00 50:28

Absolutely. So, my website is withshantal.com. So you'd have to know how to spell my name. Uh, and then there's a it it tells you about myself, my services, and you can book a just a free half hour session, just you know, just to get to know each other, to see are we a fit? Are you comfortable with me? Um, get to know me type thing. And then um book a book a session online.

SPEAKER_01 50:55

Okay, that's fantastic. Well, make sure that your website is linked in the show notes. So go and check it out if you are interested in Aroma Freedom and or Psych K and just working on some of those limiting subconscious beliefs that have probably been with you since you were a child. So thank you so much for being here. This conversation absolutely filled me up and I learned so much from you.

SPEAKER_00 51:19

Oh, thank you so much for having me. This was a fun experience. It was great. Thanks so much. You're welcome. Thank you.