Your Nervous System Controls Your Business - And You Don't Even Know It with Nicole Elliott

Your nervous system is running your business more than you think. When you catch yourself overexplaining your offer, shrinking your prices, or bracing for a “no,” that’s not just a mindset problem it’s a regulation problem. I sit down with Nicole, a Kelowna-based Spinal Flow practitioner, to talk about what it looks like to come out of constant fight-or-flight and back into a body that feels safe, steady, and clear.

Nicole shares her winding entrepreneur journey and the moment she felt a full-body “yes” to Spinal Flow, a gentle healing modality created by Australian chiropractor Dr. Carly Axford. We unpack how working with the spine and nervous system can help people shift out of go-go-go mode, breathe deeper, and quiet the mental noise. We also explore a surprising teacher: animals. Dogs and horses don’t live in the monkey mind the way we do, and their presence becomes a blueprint for how we can regulate faster in real life.

We get practical about nervous system tools you can use immediately, including sensory grounding, breath awareness, and meditation that goes beyond cookie-cutter visualization. Nicole explains why alpha brainwave audio and binaural beats can be more impactful for some people, and we connect posture to confidence, power, and how you show up in the world. We also talk about trauma patterns, the pull of victim mentality, and how to protect your energy without hardening your heart.

Subscribe for more honest conversations about ambition, money, and ownership, share this with a friend who needs a nervous system reset, and leave a five-star review so more women can find the show.

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Transcript

Stop Overexplaining Your Offer

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You know, when someone asks you about your offer and suddenly you're overexplaining yourself, you're lowering your prices on the fly, or you're just hoping they don't say no. Yeah, that's because no one teaches us how to sell as a nutritionist. Sales confidence is my four-week mini mind that shows you exactly how to talk about your work, own your pricing, handle objections, and actually feel really good selling without it feeling pushy or weird or icky. It's simple, practical, and it will completely change how you show up in your business. So if you've been meaning to clean up your sales skills, this is the time. It's linked below in the show notes. Welcome

Welcome To She’s The Boss

SPEAKER_01 0:39

to She's the Boss, the podcast where female wellness entrepreneurs talk ambition, money, and ownership out loud. I'm your host, Lee McSwan, a certified holistic nutritionist, turned wellness business coach. This is where conversations are unfiltered, the rules of entrepreneurship get rewritten, and nothing is off limits. Money, motherhood, friendships, legacy, wealth, power, and what it really takes to build a life and business on your terms. Let's get after it.

Meet Nicole And Winter Life

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Welcome to She's the Boss, Nicole. How are you doing today? I am fantastic. How are you? I'm pretty good. We are Canadian neighbors. You are in BC. I'm over in Alberta. And I don't know if you guys get Chinooks over there, but we are on the cusp of a really warm weekend.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

So I am beyond excited. I have only been in BC. I have experienced Chinooks. I don't think we get them here just because of the mountain range in Kelowna isn't quite Chinookie style, but I have experienced them when I was working in Athabasca a bunch of years ago. So I'm aware of the warmer weather that they bring. So yeah, it's super nice. It's been the weather here is a little bit gray right now, but it's been the most incredible winter with very little snow, which is kind of sad because I have no idea what the fire season is going to be like.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

But oh yeah, that's a good point. Yes, we have had a lot of snow, and then it's quickly followed by next to no snow, and then it just seems to be on this repetitive cycle. So the mountains are snowy, it's great for skiing and snowboarding. My kids are a little bit disappointed that it's constantly melting here in Calgary, but we will persevere.

Books That Unlock New Paths

SPEAKER_01 2:28

So I want to start off by asking you what is your favorite book that you've read over the last 10 years, whether business, personal development, or just pure fun.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Oh my God. There are so many books that I've read, but there is one that just kind of stands out. Jonathan Livington Siegel was read to me in high school. I know it's a quick, easy read, but it was one of the books that I have just come across again recently. And one of those just to feel good, like holy smokes, you don't have to conform to society, I guess, and the rest of what people think or want you to do. And it's just like go far beyond what you're capable of because you have no idea. So it's just kind of one of those things for me lately that's just kind of like, you know what, let's just go. Let's just go read it again, figure it out. And then just kind of coming back to into the high school and kind of childhood-ish, kind of growing up and kind of enjoying being read too. So it's like, oh, that's the one that I really enjoyed. So just kind of revisiting that that's where a favorite book goes. I've read so many, I can't pick one out.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

It's funny that you're you're saying about kind of living unconventionally. And oddly enough, the last two books that I listened to on Audible were kind of about that. At least that's the message that I took from them. The first one was an untethered soul, and the other one was The Psychology of Money. Have you read either of those books?

SPEAKER_00 3:55

I started reading, I started reading Untethered Soul. And then I think I moved house and it got put in a bin and I had not picked it up yet. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

That's all my read. Yeah, I had it on my to read list for the longest time. And then another guest that I had interviewed, she said that that was one of the best books, and she'd reread it a bunch of times. So I was like, okay, this is my sign to dive into it. And I finally did, and it was exactly what I needed to hear last week.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

It's funny how some of the books and some of the recommendations come back like that and be like, oh, this is what I need, and this is what I want right now. Thank you, universe.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Yes.

Nicole’s Pivot Into Spinal Flow

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Okay, Nicole, I want to hear your entrepreneur story. How did you get into your current line of work? Explain what Spinoflow is. Lay it all out for us here.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Oh my God. I have always been interested in, oh my God, all these things. I've always been interested in the body. I've always been interested in energy work and the fact that there is more to life. There is more to us than what we see in front of us. So kind of being tapped and tuned into that kind of energy has always been an interest to me. I've always been interested in how the body moves, how it functions, mobility, strength, and all the things that are tied into it. But now just recently, and I've been dabbling in other energy works and certified Reiki practitioner, a yoga yoga teacher, certified in that chair massage practitioner. So there are already are some body work things, energetic things that I've kind of dabbled in before. And I was actually looking at craniosacral therapy as a career choice. And as I was looking through that, spinal flow was something that came across my Facebook feed, like it has for many people that I've talked to. And I had no idea what it was about. I had no idea what it was, never had a session, and there was just like a resounding yes feeling of yes, I need to do this thing. I don't know what it is. Let's look into it. Had a phone call with one of the team members. It was, yeah, had a phone call with one of the team members, and it was like, yeah, you know what? I will figure out the money side of it. But this is something that I need to do. And it has kind of so far been the one thing that has been consistently coming up for me. And the one thing that I want to stay on, I've noticed that my career history has been like two years of this or two years of that, or two years of that thing, or two years of that thing. So I've noticed kind of the pattern in my life and in what it all the things that I've been doing has just kind of been skipping from one thing to the next. But this has been the thing, this has been it. I I don't want to say it, but then having to evolve from the spinal flow and kind of delving into kind of other areas of what it can open up has kind of been an interest to me as well. And who knows what's gonna happen after this. So spinal flow is a newer, excuse me, newer healing modality created by Dr. Carly Axford, who is a chiropractor in Australia. And she noticed that her patients were, and she's certified in other things as well, other techniques. And she kind of came up with spinal flow as a way to bring a deeper and longer lasting healing into her patients. If you want to listen to her story, you I'm sure you can go to the website and kind of listen to the YouTube YouTube video. So I'm not gonna delve deeply into that. But what the the takeaway for me was that the body has, and I've kind of already knew this on kind of like a frontal lobe level, but to see the changes and the body's ability to heal on its own, given the given the resources and the moments to be able to come back into alignment with itself has been huge. And I've been involved in horses for a long time. I've been working with dogs for a long time. So the fact that I can find something and take something that I initially wanted to work on people with and take it and use it on my dogs as they are getting old. Well, my one dog, as she's getting older, then use it on my horse and be able to provide that as a service for other dog owners or other horse people, and is kind of the way that I want to go with it. So that's sort of kind of been the journey and what spinal flow is. So it's a super gentle, but in can be incredibly intense healing modality that uses gentle touch to allow the body's, to allow the body's life force, prana, chi, god, whatever you want to, whatever label you want to put onto it to help heal itself. So connecting directly to the access point or sorry, connecting to the nervous system through certain access points, and then just watching and allowing the body to settle, to make the adjustments that it needs to do, to come back into alignment, to allow the nervous system to go from fight and I can see it on the bodies that are on the table. It goes from like holy crap, and I can feel those all the thoughts and all the thinking. And then for me to be able to sense when the mind stops going, the monkey mind of my clients, they they that stops going in, like to like holy smokes. I can now start to feel my body, I can start to see when the breath starts coming in, they're able to breathe deeper, they're able to have a sigh, they're able to kind of fall into a state of alpha brain waves, like to slower brain waves, as opposed to like go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, which right now in society, in our in society, in our life and in our workforce, many people are stuck in. They're stuck in that, they're stuck in that just go mode, and they're not given the opportunity or the time to come back down into the rest, relax, restore mode that the body craves, that it needs.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

And you said something really interesting that I think is very relatable to many of us in the entrepreneurial space, and that is dabbling, going two years into this and two years into that, and you know, kind of switching directions, which I think is just a natural personality trait of an entrepreneur. Do you think that you had to have all those years of trying to figure it out in order to land on something that's feeling so aligned with you today?

SPEAKER_00 10:25

A hundred percent. I think so, yes. I God, for so long, from such a young age, I've always just kind of I've always been a people pleaser. And I've always felt like I had to stick within the box of society. And now being a so kind of going through the things. I I did the high school, I did the university, failed at university, went to college, enjoyed doing the the the hands-on college things, but then it's like okay, well, I did I worked in forestry in Alberta for a couple of years after that, and it was okay while it was there, but then it's like okay, okay, what next? So it changed to that, and I'm an arborist, so kind of came back to Ontario and trimmed trees for a couple private companies. I was a utility arborist with Hydro One, so trimming trees around power lines. Interesting, coming back full circle, working with energy in a different capacity, but but kind of having all these things, and I'm just like, you know what? I have more to give than, and there's something greater for me than just doing the school thing, just going to university, getting the government or getting the sorry, the government job or the good job with the pension and the benefits, and that and and I know for myself I am not meant to fit in that box. I get bored, I get the what next, and it's just like I need something more for myself because I have more to give to the world. And yeah, I just felt like I needed to kind of be on my own. I don't like being micromanaged.

SPEAKER_01 12:07

Telltale side of an entrepreneur.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

I I don't love being micromanaged. I'm that's and that's kind of one of the big things where I'm able to be like, you know what, this does not align with me. Okay, pivot, change, figure it out from here. So, and that was kind of some of the things that I've been interested in in being my own boss and being an entrepreneur. It's like, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going, I don't know how to do this. Let's figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

And did failing university kind of derail you or affect your psyche in any way? Like that's a that's a pretty big thing to, you know, you kind of work your whole life to get to university up until that point. And then you decide, like for me, I decided halfway through my second year that this ain't it. I'm not I'm not going down this path. So, how did you deal with that kind of mindset when you realized that university wasn't working out the way you had originally planned?

SPEAKER_00 13:06

I guess I was kind of okay with I was okay with it because I ended up, oh man, there's a bit of a story behind it. And so my graduating year 2000 of high school, I had, I know there's a little bit of a story, I know there's a little bit of story behind this, so bear with me for a moment. So February 2000, I ended up playing racquetball. I was playing rocket ball with a couple of friends, hit my head on the wall, tripped over my feet, hit my head on the wall, ended up losing about a month's worth of memory. Don't remember anything, and it took a long time for me to get memory back. So I barely I just graduated or I just finished or just passed all my high school courses with like I think 56 was my highest mark. I can't remember what class or course it was. So I kind of going from that to taking the summer. I don't remember even remember what I did through the summer. I'm pretty sure I worked somewhere, restaurant or something like that. But then going into new university was kind of like, okay, so now I've got to figure out how to do this thing. I don't know if this is what I need to be doing, startup biology, because I thought that's what I was supposed to be doing. Um, turned out it wasn't the best for me. I'd failed too many classes and courses and figured out that uni wasn't for me. So I ended up going to college and figured and realized that having the hands-on thing was where I enjoyed being, was where I kind of thrived. The communication of being with people who I was working with and getting hands-on and learning the hands-on skills versus the intellectual skills for me was the better way for me to go. Um, so my self-confidence finishing, so to kind of complete your answer, the self-confidence I had to build or lose, I guess, by having that head injury, and then trying to work through it and build it up all summer long, and then into university was kind of like, holy crap, my confidence was not there at all. But then something changed. I ended up going tree planting one summer, came back, went to the college, gone into the forestry program, and from there it was just kind of thrived. I think I I don't remember what my marks were, but they were they were closer to the 80s than they were to the 50s or or 40s that they were in. So kind of having being in that community and having other people to work with and being in the in the environmental school that I was in was way more confidence boosting for me and being okay with not having to set the university degree standards for myself that I thought I needed to be at leveled out. And I know I'm and I know that's where I was meant to be to find my people, to find my groove, to get my self-confidence back, to be able to step out into the world as a person who's experienced this thing, which was not great at all, but be like and come out the other end of like, okay, you know what? This is actually pretty not bad. I did great.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

That's like a blessing in disguise, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:12

I think every experience that I've had, whether it's been good, bad, the ugly, all the things are blessings in disguise. Because every opportunity, every failure, every success is a learning step.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

Yeah. And that's what we really have to look at it as not hitting a milestone or not hitting a milestone. It's like what happened to get you to the point that you are ultimately meant to be at, right? Like, what is your soul's purpose? Why are you here? You can't get it right the first time. Like nobody, nobody bats a hundred. So sometimes it takes us a little bit longer. And I I definitely feel that and share that sentiment with you having been in the nutrition space for over 15 years and then retiring my private practice and no longer talking about food all the time and moving into business coaching where I feel like this is it for me. This is what I meant to do. These are the conversations I meant to have. And my purpose was bigger than food, but I had to go through the food route first as a nutritionist to get here as

Animals Teach Presence And Calm

SPEAKER_01 17:16

well. So you work a lot with stress and nervous system regulation on the daily. Are you working exclusively with animals now or are you working with people as well?

SPEAKER_00 17:27

I have I have a mixed practice. So I do have the majority of my clients right now are human. Um, and I'm breaking out more into the canine world. So I would say it's 70-30 people to people to animals.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Okay, what can we learn about the nervous system from animals like canines or horses? What do they know that we don't know?

SPEAKER_00 17:52

Stop overthinking everything, live, be in the moment. Um, and honestly, animals are, I've noticed, are a lot easier to work on, to work with, to notice the change because they are not thinking about they because the animals feel the changes in their body, they experience what is happening, and they just go on with their day. They're it in they're in the moment, they're not like us in there thinking about the next thing. They're thinking about now what am I making for dinner? Oh, what about this grocery list? Oh, well, what happened about that thing or this family event or all that? So they're they're not stuck in the monkey mind that we are, they're not stressing about work issues or life issues or problems or the news or whatever is happening in their world. Animals just go about their day and that's it. I mean, there are some, there are obviously stressors that they experience, but they're not in their, they're in the moment and they're not thinking ahead in the same way that humans are. So that's kind of where, yeah. So that's kind of where, so that's kind of where working with the animals is like, okay, you know what? I need to, how can I experience this for myself? How can I be more present? How can I be more in the moment? And all this other stuff that I'm thinking about, that's not mattering right, that doesn't matter right now. What matters right now, and kind of slowing and kind of stepping back into what's important in this time. Yes, I've got other things that are going on. I can get stressed about those, but that's not going to serve me because I'm not in that moment right now. What are the tools? What are the things that I can do for myself to calm myself down in order to perform better, to have a better cognitive ability to manage my time and my own stress levels to step into whatever chaos I might be stepping into later on.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Right. And and so my burning question is how do we do that?

SPEAKER_00 19:55

Um I have been kind of coming back, coming into meditation more and using that as a tool to kind of stop to to stop the monkey mind. So I've kind of been using that more as a daily practice. And I'm noticing that when I my mind starts going into like holy freaking cow, I've got this thing going on. I'm able to recognize when my body starts to kind of come into like shoulders come up, breath starts kind of coming faster. That it's like, hold on a second. My body and my mind, my nervous system is saying, wait, something's happening. It's okay, come back into my breath. Stop with the overthinking of things. Where are my feet right now? Where is my breath going right now? So to be able to kind of not trick my brain, but kind of to come back into my mind and my body and my breath and using those tools, what is the air feeling like around me right now? What do my clothes feel like? So to kind of have those tangible things to come back into my present time body awareness has been huge for me. And then I noticed that when I get into moments of like that super stressful situation or that like holy smokes situation, somebody cuts you off in traffic. I'm not worried this or the things that you can't control. I'm more able to regulate myself and calm myself down a little bit faster than kind of sitting in that anger, in that rage, in that frustration of that where where before I would have just been taken that and carried it through the rest of my day. So by having other tools, yeah. So by sitting with my own thoughts, by sitting with my own breath, by teaching my brain to come back into the alpha brain wave where it's just more relaxed, more meditative, I'm able to regulate a lot faster than if I'm just kind of thinking. using the thinking brain all all the time. And that's not saying that, and that's not saying that having a like holy smokes moment isn't a good isn't a good thing. Yes, we need it. Yes, we need to be able to hit that fight flight. It's like a car, right? So when you so car engine. So by looking after the the computer system of the car, it's okay every once in a while for the RPMs to hit that six or seven hundred or seven thousand rpm periodically every once in a while. But to stay there is not a good thing because things start breaking down things start misfiring and your engine explodes. And that's but having those higher RPMs in the moment is okay. But then to be able to come back down to be able to calm the nervous system to be able to bring yourself back into your body without your mind exploding that's where kind of the magic happens and that's where the rest of the healing happens by noticing the moments of holy smokes yes it's okay to be that high but then to come back down is where we need to come back what is what we need to teach ourselves.

Meditation Tools That Actually Work

SPEAKER_01 23:10

I don't know if I went off on a big huge tangent there, but no, I have a question about meditation specifically. And the reason I'm asking this is because you're obviously using it as what I assume is a daily practice. And so I am just thinking back to a time I was having a conversation with um a facilitator of an ayahuasca ceremony that I was preparing for. And she had asked me about meditation. And I said yeah I kind of casually meditate and she really kind of went deep into it with me, which I I felt was kind of strange at the time because she goes what kind of meditations do you do? And I'm like, I don't know. I just put on the Calm app or the Headspace app and I do a guided meditation. And she said no that's actually like not how you properly meditate. There's different techniques and I started doing a little bit of a deeper dive into Andrew Huberman's work around meditation and and um one of the programs or apps that I guess he recommends was um trying to remember it now I want to say it's clear space. I used it a couple of years ago or maybe a little bit more recently than that. I'll have to figure out what the app is. I'll link it in the show notes. Okay. But it really taught meditation at a deeper level and I understood then what she meant by like you're not just visualizing yourself walking through a forest and even though there's probably some benefits to that in the moment it doesn't actually do anything for the nervous system as opposed to like you had kind of alluded to which is becoming aware of the sensations around us feet on the ground clothing outside noises the closer noises all these things that's what we really can train the brain to tune into. So with all that said what is your kind of preferred way to meditate and do you avoid these kind of cookie cutter walk through the forest take a walk on the beach guided meditations so I and I and you know what that's where I was when I first started meditating I thought it was like throw on a track from YouTube and and go with it.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

Right. And that's exactly where I and that's exactly what I thought meditation was. I just recently was introduced to Peter Sage and kind of doing his manifestation challenge last week and I've had a lot of a lot of breakthroughs a lot of insights and a lot of um noticed a lot of changes in myself and one of the things that I ended up receiving as a gift from doing this meta or this um challenge from him was it's called a uh it's called the Genesis to audio protocol. So it's Genesis to audio track I'm just looking at it on my phone right now and it takes the brain from and it's a and it's not just by neural beats but there's a bunch of things in there which helps to take the brain from um beta brain waves like our thinking brain waves when we're awake and all the thinking that we have to do into an alpha brainwave state and by slowing down but so by listening to this slowing down the brain wave slowing down the thoughts and kind of by listen and allowing the brain to kind of listen to um the ears and the brain to kind of tune into this it's about 42 minutes and I've noticed that things are clearer with me doing this and kind of finding those binaural beats or those audios that take you into more of an alpha brainwave state has been a lot more helpful and useful for me than by doing the walk down the trees and visualize yourself doing this. And that's useful for some things if you want to kind of um I don't know create a mind space for where you might want to play or kind of say space safe space if you want to go into that but um by finding um oh my gosh alpha brainwave meditation to listen to where it's kind of sounds that's where and just kind of allowing messages or the brain to slow down into that state is kind of where I've been noticing some bigger changes in myself and just allowing things to kind of now come in and happen and um yeah. So I'm still learning about the meditation and for me what I thought was meditating was listening to a track about visualization but this has taken me a lot deeper than any other meditation that I have done. I'll sit on my bed because that's the space I have or we've got a little portable sauna that we kind of pop up. So by and that's kind of where I've been doing the doing them and just being there in the moment with myself.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

I love that so much. I am a big fan of binary beats for focus. Like I typically need to change up my scenery a little bit especially working from home exclusively so I'll go to a cafe but it's so noisy that I will be actively listening to several conversations and be so involved in their conversation that I will actually start typing out what is supposed to be an email for my subscribers the conversation that is happening that I'm most interested in. So I find like the noise canceling headphones with those sound frequencies is so helpful for me. So incredibly helpful.

Posture As Confidence And Signal

SPEAKER_01 28:46

I want to talk to you about posture and just how that can affect our nervous system state. Can you go into this a little bit posture as in how we sit and stand or postures in how we kind of present ourselves to people let's do both. I'm I think they kind of go hand in hand, don't they?

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Yeah yeah I would say so um posture physically um the way your body wants to be is ears stacked over shoulders shoulders stacked over hips hips stacked over knees knees stacked over feet your body brain head want to be in alignment so that there is a great flow from the brain to the tailbone from the tailbone to the brain um so when we're kind of hunched over sitting maybe slouched kind of relaxed things I find for me kind of start to slow down um kind of cuts off some of the communication between uh the nerves in my spinal cord to the rest of the body things start to slow down you cut off the signal but when and even emotionally if you are kind of slouched in and curled into yourself you're kind of maybe not feeling so great but when you're feeling excuse me might not be feeling so great but when you're standing upright when your spine is straight when your head is shoulders head is up looking up that kind of shows to the world and yourself that holy smokes I've got myself pulled together I am in a great mood nothing can stop me I've got the power to continue through the day. So when you see people who so so emotionally you're kind of showing yourself as like I'm shining forward I got this I'm ready I'm ready to take on life I'm ready to fight the lion I'm ready to do whatever it takes whatever it whatever it takes to get through the day or through this thing or whatever. So kind of physically posturally having your body upright having everything stacked is kind of like yeah you know what this is my power mode whereas if you kind of shut down and so so cerebral spinal fluid is able to flow easier it's able to flow more efficiently more effectively you're moving easier you're moving you're moving more fluidly um your your hands and your feet and your arms are working great and you're able to run from the tiger if you need to whereas if you're kind of sitting down and it's and and the opposite of that is if you're kind of hunched down head feeling forward hips kind of tucked under your butt your spine is kind of in a seed curve um you might not be able to run away from the tiger that's running away from you. So physically it's kind of like the signal saying you know what I'm kind of the weaker animal of the herd please take me first um and sometimes it can that can be started from an emotional state where something may have happened to you or emotionally you could have had your feelings hurt from somebody or whatever the case may be or you know you don't have the self-confidence to be you know kind of up and proud you're you're you're kind of tucked in you don't want your heart to shine because you're kind of in fear mode you're kind of in like nervous mode I you know it's I don't I I I don't want I I don't want to do this thing it's and that's kind of what's comes through it I'm not confident enough in myself to be able to power through the day and that's okay too we need and I think we need to kind of be able to fluctuate between the two and recognize that we have the ability we have the capability to move ourselves between one and the other so when physically if you are kind of tucked in if you're kind of hiding your heart shoulders are slumped forward head is slumped forward now physically because your head's about 10 pounds now physically your the rest of your spine has to hold onto your head so now you're putting pressure on the cervical spine now you're pressing putting pressure on thoracic spine just to try and hold up this 10 pound weight that your body is not really wanting to hold on to so the emotional stress can turn into physical stress and then can turn into chemical stress because sometimes it can go from like okay now I don't feel great. So now I've got to take these things because I don't feel good. Now I've got to take the medication because I don't feel good. So all these stressors can come into the body because somebody hurt our feelings when we were three years old. I know that's kind of a long-winded answer to the things but they all tie hand they all go hand in hand.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

Yes it's actually reminding me of this uh social experiment that was done I think I read about it like when I was in university and it was a woman in two different scenarios the exact same woman and she was polling people on a busy city street and for the first I don't know two hours of the experiment she was wearing flats and for the other half of the experiment she was in high heels she had exponentially more people engage with her willing to listen to her willing to take her survey because of the high heels that she was wearing now obviously from a structural standpoint that's not great.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

But what the reason it's reminding me of what you're saying here is because of that power stance that high heels naturally put you into and I guess it's kind of an interesting observation that comes to my mind immediately is was it her feeling more confident, being taller, being more posturally aligned, like chest forward, like you said, heart forward and did that cause the the higher response rates compared to when she's in flats and maybe feeling a little bit more small in a bitty busy city area I I wonder which it was it was completely um surface level in terms of what was observed which was heels versus flats here's how you get more power as a woman but at a deeper level what do you think was a possible underlying reason other than just the footwear that this woman was wearing for her response rates oh good question and immediately immediately what comes to me is being taller being bigger sh showing up as a physically physically taller or bigger being like standing present right be a bigger presence right because you're kind of now putting yourself on a pedestal or a platform so to speak now I can hear see myself heard now I can do this I'm standing higher than everybody else that's around me as opposed to somebody who's kind of like wearing the flats oh I'm just kind of at the same height as everybody else so who am I to have the power to speak my voice or say what I want to be heard or speak my voice or say what needs to be heard. So I think just kind of physically having that having that posture just kind of being taller, higher physically or or the herd herd animal or the pack animal is like I'm bigger I'm better I'm more powerful and I will do whatever I can to get myself up there to be the leader as opposed to somebody who's like okay well I'm just going to fit in with the rest of the crowd and eh yeah it's such an important thing for women to note because I think it can very it can be very easy for us to lose our sense of confidence.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

It can be hard to never have a sense of confidence and going back to kind of that nervous system issue are you when you work with women are you seeing specific patterns repeating themselves and how in how the nervous system is affected? Like are

Trauma Patterns And Reclaiming Yourself

SPEAKER_01 37:07

we all kind of facing the same issues as women or are you seeing variations across the board?

SPEAKER_00 37:14

I think I'm seeing some variations of some things because people come into me I'm just trying to think of the clients that I've that I've been working on and I think a lot of them there are some there are some women who are yep I'm forward yep I'm bold yep I've got this thing but that's kind of been few and far between I think the majority of the people who I've been working on they're trying to kind of find themselves again they're trying to work through emotional things that they have dealt with for long periods of time and kind of coming back and they're and they want to kind of come back into feeling good again whether whether it's physically or whether it's emotionally whether they want to be able to get themselves out of PTSD or I don't want to I don't want to put labels on it so to speak sorry but whether they're they're trying to kind of work through stuff or things that have traumas that have happened to them when they were younger and kind of find themselves again and that's kind of been a big thing is that they feel doing this work and kind of getting their bodies physically more aligned they're feeling better they're feeling more confident they're able to kind of be able to express themselves a lot easier than kind of the beforehand where they're kind of feeling a little bit sluggish or kind of feeling a little bit smaller. Now they're now they're kind of like I've got this whatever happened in the past is no longer wanting I don't want that to be my story anymore. I have the confidence to stand up I have the confidence to move forward through the day and I'm not going to let this thing that happened how however good or bad it was I don't want that to be my story anymore. This is such so oh sorry go ahead no um so it's kind of been it mind it's kind of been mind blowing and astounding for me to have that experience with some of my clients and for them to be like I've changed and to have the I have changed I feel like a different person. I feel like I'm not afraid anymore I feel yes I recognize this thing that happened to me but I now know that I don't have to sit with that I have the choice to move through it. I have the choice to either allow that to continue to be my story or I have the choice to recognize this happen. What am I gonna do with it? What am I what do I need to learn and take from it? And what are the next steps to move through it to be a more confident person.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

Yes we might still be at baby steps of the things but I now have the ability to recognize when I'm starting to feel sorry for myself what small thing do I need to change or what small thing can I change to alter my thoughts and my thinking to be like okay that was the old version of me this is where I want to go yeah I notice um you and I are pretty much the same age and I notice that within my female friend circle this is a big theme right now where women are like it's almost like they're sick of their own shit, so to speak, where we are just so sick of having not fixed ourselves for so many years. And I hate the word fixed because I we're not a project that needs fixing. We're not a leaky tap or anything like that. But we want to improve the quality of our lives because I think there's this magical thing that happens when you hit that 40 decade where you are just like you're technically in your prime. Like for many of us, our kids are much more independent now. We are taking on another identity outside of mother and caregiver, whether it's stepping into the business that we've always wanted to build or we just want to get back to doing the things that we love for ourselves. But it's it's so interesting and it's such a commonality that I'm noticing right now. But I also see a lot of people who feel like they're very stuck in their patterns and they're I personally believe it's a choice that they're making to stay stuck in those things. So my question to you is what are we seeing as sisters, as friends, as colleagues when somebody is not dealing with their shit? What are some of those telltale signs or symptoms or reactions that unfortunately kind of get dumped on us from time to time and also what is that long lasting impact of not dealing with your shit whether it's abuse whether it's a story that you've kept in your head whether it's a death whatever what's that long term impact long loaded question I I will do my no that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

I don't know how articulate I'm going to be with answering this but the long-term effect of not dealing with your shirt for not of not taking ownership or making the choice to change is you lose track of who you are. You no longer know who you are as a person who you are as a woman who you are as who you are in this world and you kind of come into the victim mentality right so things are happening to me. Oh why did this thing happen to me what did oh this thing has happened to me until and until you get to the point of F this I'm so freaking mad about and anger anger can be a higher vibration too right so love anger can you know be higher vibrations because you get so freaking fed up with feeling like crap what are you going to do about it? What am I gonna do about it now? What are the steps that I I can take now so you can kind of take those you can I I you can take those feelings and figure it out what you want to do. It might happen today it might happen a year from now but to find what lights you up figure out what lights you up work with it. You know what screw whatever forget what everybody else says what everybody else thinks because you are the star of your own movie and people can either you're the only person who is in your movie everybody else who kind of comes in and out are just players and then what movie do you want to watch? What move do you want to be in a movie where you're just watching this person wilt? Are you in the movie of like well this person just gonna be there like a bump on a log or and Of feeling sorry for themselves, or do you want to be the actor of your own movie where people want to say, Okay, what next? Okay, now what did you do? Okay, now what did you do? Okay, now what what next? What next? And then play the book version of it because the book is always better than the movie. So working on the inner stuff, right? So working on the inner stuff is so much more important than working on the outer stuff. Because as soon as you start, like it's not until you start looking at your inner world, your outer world will reflect your inner world. So you can play the by the victim mentality. You can be, oh, this happened to me, this happened to me, oh, whoa is me. Awesome. If they if that's the if that's the movie you want to make, cool, no judgment. But if you want to get and and the long-term effects of that is your body is gonna go into, okay, well, now I kind of feel like crap. Well, now I have a stomach ache. Well, now the stomach ache leads to this thing. Well, now I'm focusing on, well, crap, my stomach hurts. Well, now my chest hurts. Well, crap, now my chest hurts. Well, damn it, you know what? I'm gonna go from like, I feel miserable, my stomach hurts, my chest hurts, I have migraines all the time, and now I'm and then now I've got X, Y, Z disease, right? Because you're kind of feeding into that, and then you kind of go into the and then you start talking about it. Oh, well, this hurts, and then this hurts, oh well, this hurts. And then you have people who are saying, Oh my god, I'm so sorry, and and oh, but well, now I'm diagnosed with this thing, right? So then you have people, oh I'm so sorry for you, oh I'm so sorry, and then people kind of get stuck in that, oh, what was me mentality, and they're kind of getting the dopamine, and I know I'm kind of going like blah, but people kind of get stuck or um addicted to the victim mentality, and they're getting the dopamine hit from somebody saying, Oh, I'm so sorry, oh, oh, oh, so you so so people who are kind of coming and feeling sorry for the person who's now got this big huge issue, they're getting their nervous system is and their brains and their bodies, the chemicals that they're getting from this dopamine hit, they're even though they might not realize it, they're getting this dopamine hit from like from everybody saying, Oh, I'm sorry about this thing, I'm sorry, experiencing this thing, and your body kind of gets addicted addicted to it, even though they might not recognize that they're in that stage, even though they might not know that they're in that. The flip side of that is you can kind of recognize your, and I'm gonna I know I'm kind of going like, oh, that's really depressing, but at the same time, you can kind of take that victim mentality or just like, you know what, I'm so sick of feeling like crap. What can I do? What actions can I take? What steps do I need to take? It might suck at the beginning, it might suck big time at the beginning. I'm sick of feeling fat. I'm sick of feeling miserable, I'm sick of eating this garbage food, I'm sick and tired of this. What are you gonna take? What are you gonna do? So now you've changed your diet. Now you've changed your physical body into like more sedentary, into like, you know what, let's just go for a walk. You know what? I want to do more than a walk. I want to go for a run. Cool. This feels awesome. So you kind of like the baby steps to get into like now, you're Miss Universe and doing the in the gym five days a week because you're kind of getting the dopamine hit from that because I feel freaking amazing. So, so we can kind of go both ways, or you can be happy and kind of be and find the medium. So it's, I know I'm kind of going through two extremes, but you can either play the victim side or you can play the I got this, I've dealt with my stuff, I can move forward with it. I'm a powerful person, this is who I am, not the body that this is who I am, not the 3D physical body that I'm experiencing, because who I am energetically is way bigger than the 3D body that we are living in right now. And once you start looking after and taking care of the who the the the who I am, once you start feeding that, once you start, and it's not just all about positive thinking, that's great too. But by by looking at by taking a step back, looking at what are you watching, what are you listening to, who are you being surrounded by? What books am I reading? Am I just sitting there doom scrolling all day? Or am I can do something a lot better with my time? And maybe I am on the phone, but I'm watching videos who are of people who are empowering. I'm listening to people who have already done the thing that I want to do. I am are I'm now, you know, watching aspiring movies or videos of people who are traveling or um, you know, entrepreneur, entrepreneurs who are bigger than me or who have made it, whatever that thing looks like for you. But you had the choice. You can either sit there in your misery or you can take the active choice to do to to move forward. So feeding the inside truth, feeding the inside will reflect like the outside world will reflect what you're feeding from the inside. So I don't know if that answered the question, but no, it it definitely did.

SPEAKER_01 49:07

I feel the same way. It everything we do in life is a choice to the most to most things, we have free will, right? And I I think that most people that are down and out and in a rut and they're angry, they're depressed, they're anxious, they're very aware of that. It's not somebody telling them, hey, have you considered the fact that you're depressed or you're anxious or you're incredibly angry? They're they're aware of that. What they choose to do with that and how they choose to alter their lives for better or for worse, it's ultimately that's their free will. And I'm a big fan of personal accountability and I love personal development and personal growth. So I the whole time you were talking, I was like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Certain people are coming to mind here. Hope they listen to this. But uh yeah, it's a choice for sure.

SPEAKER_00 49:59

It is, but uh, any practitioner or any person who's talking to that person who might be down and out, the person who is in that depressed stage needs to want it more than the person who's trying to help them, right? Because I can I can help, I can work on whoever comes to me. But the person who I'm working on physically, the person who I'm working on has to want to be, they need they need to want it more than more than I do, right? So the person who's depressed, yeah, you know what, I can help you all you want, but the person who's depressed needs to want it more than I want it for them.

SPEAKER_01 50:36

Absolutely. And I think this this translates to any person in business with clients or without. Like I think back to my nutrition clients when I first started practicing, who I would check on every single day because I wanted to be the one to motivate them. Motivation is fleeting. I can't create it for you. You're either self-motivated or you're externally motivated, and external motivation does not last very long. And I notice it now with the work that I do. The the women that are stepping forward and asking for support and putting their hands up in the masterminds and asking for the hot seat coaching and all of that, they're the ones that really want it. Um it's the same across the board, even in relationships, marriages, partnerships, friendships. Everything has to come from that person wanting to change. And as much as we want to see these people living their best lives because we know that they're capable of it and we love them so much, it's still their path at the end

Boundaries With Other People’s Energy

SPEAKER_01 51:38

of the day. And it's their journey, and their soul is here for a specific reason that we may not be privy to. So we have to kind of learn to separate ourselves. As somebody that does a lot of energetic work, how do you protect yourselves from yourself from other people's energy?

SPEAKER_00 51:54

Um, I know that's not my shit to take on. Um, love that response. I spend a lot of time with my dogs, I spend a lot of time outside. I need to spend more time at the barn. I have a horse. So by by finding by finding my joy and knowing that other people's stuff is not mine, that is their journey. That's been that's kind of been the biggest thing for me. And not subscribing to and not subscribing to their to their misery.

SPEAKER_01 52:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:27

Yeah, that's kind of the biggest thing is not subscribing to their misery. Misery loves miserable company. Yeah. They say misery, misery loves company, but misery loves miserable company. Um, yeah, so that's kind of so that's kind of what I do to protect myself. I mean, I know I've got crystals, I've got all the metaphysical things that I can do, but at the same time, my belief in that, my my belief in myself and my belief in my vibration and doing all the inner work for myself. Um, that's kind of been my my biggest protector and not taking on other people's stuff. That's not mine, that's yours.

SPEAKER_01 53:09

Yeah. Hard line in the sand. Do not cross. Hi, Doug. Hi, Doug. Well, Nicole, this has been such a lovely conversation. Thank you for being here. I want you to let people know where they can find you and how they can work with you.

SPEAKER_00 53:24

Oh,

Where To Find Nicole In Kelowna

SPEAKER_00 53:25

I thank you so much for the opportunity. This is my first podcast interview. So thank you for being um, thank you for being open to talking and sharing. So I really appreciate that, especially for somebody being new in new in business and being a new entrepreneur. Um, this is kind of that's kind of huge and allowing me to step out of my comfort zone. Um, I am in big time. I'm glad you did. Thank you. Talking to strangers, right? Totally. Oh, and then I just had the realization of holy crap, it's not just you that's gonna be listening to this, there's gonna be others. So now I'm just kind of like, oh crap.

SPEAKER_01 54:01

And and not to freak you out or anything, but we officially have a global audience now. And I think we're I've released four episodes and I looked at the map and I was like, oh my gosh, this is the power of connecting with other women, is like it's literally, I'm like, South America, what? Um Africa, what UK, Australia, New Zealand is oh my gosh. Okay, I don't know if I should have shared that with you. I apologize.

SPEAKER_00 54:31

No, no apologies. No, I no apologies necessary, but like holy crap, thank you for bringing that into perspective because it's like, okay, I guess I'm learning how to be heard now. Yes, and whether you're and whether or not and whether or not people resonate with me, awesome. If you don't resonate with me, awesome. Thank you for having a link. It does not matter. Yeah, it does not matter because your opinion of me is your opinion of me, and that's none of my business.

SPEAKER_01 54:55

And you'll never hear it anyway. So who cares? That's how I look at it. I'm like, they'll think about things in my in their head about me, and I will never be privy to that information.

SPEAKER_00 55:04

Exactly. It's none of my business, and I'm okay with that. Um, so I'm in Kelowna. I am, oh, you can find me. My website is being currently worked on. I know it needs an update, so I have somebody working on that for me. I'm really great at doing the hands-on stuff, the technical things, not super great, so it's kind of been sitting stagnant for a bit. So that's kind of being upgraded for me. So bear with me if you go on my website and things are kind of a little bit funky in there. Um, but you can find me at Colonna Spinal Flow on Instagram and Facebook. I just started TikTok. I don't love it because I don't know how to pardon?

SPEAKER_01 55:43

It's so busy over there. I feel like my brain is short circuiting when I watch it. I don't, I had it on my phone for like a week and I'm like, I can't do this.

SPEAKER_00 55:51

Well, I've got it. You know what? I just started using TikTok just as a photo or a video editor because that was easier for me than to try and I'm not techie at all. Like, give me a chainsaw, no problem. I'll cut down a tree. Give me technology, and staples is like, get out, go away, you're gonna break our machines. Right. So, so I use I started using TikTok just for video editing, to be perfectly honest. But um, Facebook and Instagram, you can find me at Kelowna Spinal Flow. Um, and then for hands-on sessions, um, I'm in Kelowna. So my website is Kelownaspinalflow.com. Um, yeah, my email is in there, my email's there, my phone number's on there. So shouldn't have said that. But at the same time, if there's any questions, I do not have a bot to answer, um, to answer any of the messages. So it is just me. So if I don't go back to you right away, I am a one-person show at this time at this point in time. So yeah, and I do look at the messages, I do reach out or I do reply myself.

SPEAKER_01 56:50

So we'll make sure all your information is linked in the show notes so that people in Kelowna can experience your magic. So thank you so much for being here. And I really appreciated the conversation. It was nice to connect. Thank you. It was lovely to connect with it. Thank you again so much. A great afternoon. Thank you.

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SPEAKER_01 57:16

Thanks for listening to this episode of She's the Boss. If you're enjoying these conversations, I want you to hit subscribe so that you don't miss an episode. And if there's a particular episode that you need your fellow entrepreneur to hear, make sure you share it with her. And while you're at it, can you please leave a quick five star review? It genuinely makes a difference, and I'll love you for it. Thanks so much.